My wife and I have separate queues, but that doesn't mean we don't want to know what we both have queued up. It would be very useful for me to see that she has a particular movie "In Q" so I don't waste my time adding it to my queue.
It'd also be nice if my ratings and her ratings were not separate but the same.
In other words, yes we want separate queues, but we want merged data.
I agree on the merged data part. If your wife has a movie in queue and you try to add it to yours you should get a message pops up that says "Its already in queue". I do, though I don't know if it works both ways or not.
I can see your point about wanting to know if you have duplicate entries in your queues, but why would you want the ratings to be the same? I know many couples (myself included when I've been part of a couple) who've often disagreed on how much they enjoyed a particular film. If I were sharing an account with an SO, I would definitely want separate ratings!
I blacked out my wife's name. It's from the pop-up that shows up every time you put something in your queue.
Besides, if you make your wife your friend on Netflix you'll both have access to each other's queues (without having to log on/off) and can easily see which movies you both have lined up: The buttons next to your wife's movies will have a white "in queue"-button instead of the red "add"-button.
I think that's an issue of practicality. If Netflix were to show you every movie that other profiles in your household have in their queue (that's up to 4 or 5 queues), it would require a large amount of calculations to present every page correctly. And it's reasonable to assume that you look at a much larger number of movies/pages than you add, so it makes sense to "save" the work for when it's really needed. Besides, they have the "remove from queue" button right there, so it really isn't that much work, IMO.
If you want each movie to have the same rating, when one of you rates a movie, just tell the other what movie is being rated and the rating and the other person can go in and give the same rating. My suggestion is just to rate everything a 3 and then be done with it.
It's easier just to periodically check out the ratings page of the other profile and sync them up. Although why any couple would want their ratings to be in lock-step is beyond me - it sounds like a very twisted relationship (and not the good kind of twisted either).